THIS IS A ZUMBA BODY.

Does anyone actually go in for an appointment solely 'consult their doctor before embarking on this fitness program'? If anyone does this, you are a jerk, in the same way that people who buy blue glitter eye makeup or force their dog to become a vegetarian or overfish tuna or buy an owl city cd are jerks. 

I went to my friends house the other day for a 'party'. They all got drunk and decided to whip out her ZUMBA! dvds. No, we are not all 50 years old. There is possibly nothing more entertaining in the present world than watching seven or eight 's0 w4st3d' people try and boogie to the 'infectiously hot latin beats'. I am aware I am using 'quotes' too much. If I were saying this in person I would probably be doing those air quote things with my hands alongside, as far as I'm concerned, those never became uncool, but anyway - ZUMBA! .. is scary. Not quite Leslie Van Houten, but scary enough. Nobody can dance as well, or as terrifyingly as the people in the videos in real life in front of the TV. It's like a magic world where people in cargo pants and hoop earrings are trapped in a room and commanded by an evil columbian man who forces them to 'push it harder'. They chant words that are not in the dictionary. They wear tops that barely qualify as this. Sometimes, they even carry weights, yet continue to smile creepily and dance on command, transfixed. 

If you have read the above without warning bells ringing in your head, let me break it down for you some more: ZUMBA! is an evil cult. But seriously. You can tell it is evil from the cargo pants and the endorsment from an 'Award Winning Actress' whom I have not heard of- and what exactly was the award she won? It obviously wasn't an elite or famous one like an oscar or even I suppose an emmy otherwise they would have included that in with her title, meaning it has to be some other award. If you don't specify exactly what kind of award it could be anything. I mean, technically, I could go around saying I am an 'Award Winning Actress' and it would be true, and people with no brains would be in awe of me and my presumptious, slightly illustrious title. There would be no need to elaborate and admit the 'award' was from year 9 or 11 or whatever other year drama class. Her award is probably something along the lines of 'best improvisation on wednesday class, joes school of advanced acting'- and kudos to her! I am sure there was a lot of competition. Just people should not feel so instinctually awed by a title. It doesn't even specify that she won the award IN acting. As in - (I am previously) Award Winning (highly commended school science fair, and now working as an) Actress. My point (or one of them) is,If you have ever won an award in your life, RUN FREE. Claim a vaguely false-but-still-technically-true title and stick by it! Command respect and reap glory! Wow. I have wasted almost a paragraph on that. Anyway, CULTS. They have leaders or spokespeople. Who are false or lie-ish in some way. 

TO SUM UP:

ACTRESS LADY = DODGY SOUNDING AWARD. 

ZUMBA = CULT. 

ME = AWARD WINNING ACTRESS. 

OWL CITY = VOM

things that make me want to scream

whenever I see thai writing I

think the person is really from Atlantis

and writing in a secret under-the-sea language.

also that is not poetic *breaking of sentences into lines* shit above, I can't get it to format properly.

My tongue is burnt but I have discovered a SUPER SECRET SOLUTION to it that basically I just googled for so it's not that secret but whatever. Essentially it's SUGAR ON YOUR TOUNGE and it works like woah. This is exciting stuff. The sugar is making my tongue feel better but the fact that MUSE are on television is not because the lead singer is so whiney and MUSE fans are 6th annoying type of music fans I have decided, 6th because admittedly there are two exceptions to the annoying rule. I might post that list later. I'm listening to C4 or rather, watching C4 and I'm really not sure why because 8 songs + the videos in a row have been terrible. I haven't listened to da top 40zz or whatever this is in a while or whatever, but I don't remember it being really this terrible when I left. I feel so unhip, yo. Gotta get with da latest trendz, or whatever. I mean, do people even still do ThAt TyPiNg ThInG anymore? the uncertainty of these things feels somewhat alienating. 

Hmmmm.

archelon is a genus of extinct sea turtle

“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmm, boy.” 

- Jack Handey.

Sometimes I feel a lot like I might explode. (is that ok) I really think Ayn Rand is just amazing sometimes, but then again, sometimes I'm convinced nothing is real and that John Lennon is maybe octopi..

Jen Stark - Website

I like lines and stop motion photography and little things and tessellation. HENCE I like Jen Stark. It's like my doodles only talented and with really, really nice pens. I really quite wish I just had a lot of free amazing stationery because I really just don't want to spend money on it myself, I just want nice pens. Also, I finally watched Les Quatre Cents Coups and it's actually just so incredibly moving and beautiful, but not in a in an 'oh wow, Celine Dion is moving and beautiful my heart will go on WILL YOUR HEART GO ON? jack and rose moving I am so moved move move move' way, more in a bleak aesthetic/parental family misunderstandings and oppression kind of way. Which is a better way because I've never been a Celine Dion person. I mean sure, everybody somehow ends up with My Heart Will Go On on their itunes but they never actually know how it got there.. maybe it just comes with the installation because seriously, everybody seems to have it. Maybe it's a sort of virus. CHECK YOURS NOW, if you are suffering from mysterious Celine Dion infection on your itunes without knowing how it happened MY THEORY IS PROVED. Seriously, I do not remember downloading this song. Whyyy does it exist here. I'm going to thoroughly inspect my entire itunes now for any other infection like songs that may have somehow materialized. I want falafels and rice balls. And nachos. Nachos are the king of all foods. 

When I grow up I want to be a nacho. Or own a nacho hut in Santa Fe only chances are people in Santa Fe can make better nachos than I can, I mean, Santa Fe is in New Mexico. Minus the 'new' it's practically Mexico and Mexico has nachos in abundance. It's nacho central. If I didn't suck so much at spanish and have lack of plane ticket I would seriously consider living there. Santa Fe. Or Mexico. Either really. I think I'm going to do volunteer work in orphanages in South America for 6th months after school. Well, hopefully anyway.. I can't explain but I want to help, or try to help. Although then how much help do voulenteers give? Eating host family food and goofing off and whining and disrespecting, oh dear. I don't want to just sit and get an office job or sit and stay in this current situation, and experiences are important and I want to learn. There are so many possibilities and so many options and wow, only then people can feel so cut off and one day it won't be like that maybe. CONFUSION. but not really. I know what I want to say but I can't get my ideas into words very well, it doesn't fit. 

NEW VAVE

"Some people can do carpentry, some people can do mathematics, some people are brain surgeons and some people are winos and that’s the way it is, and we’re not all the same. This concept of one world-ism, everything blended and smoothed out to this mediocre norm that everybody downgrades themselves to be is stupid." - Frank Zappa

I don't speak German but I figure music is universal. I'm sick of the English language, my grasp of it is so poor. 

If you keep crying wolf, one will get you in the end.

The Lady of Shalott- J.H Waterhouse/Ophelia - J.H Waterhouse

I really love J.H Waterhouse. The striking red hair and the pale skin.. I've been obsessed with Ophelia for a while now ever since I had to play her and I adore his depictions of her, although The Lady of Shalott is my favorite, it's so beautiful it makes me want to float away.. Poor Elaine of Astolat, although honestly dying of unrequited love? 

Dear god. If I had ever lived in fictional 12th(?) century England I would have just thrown a heavy rock in her vague direction. Overly romantic people either annoy or make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Pining after people is a waste of time. Valentines day makes me gag, and I've never felt compelled to watch poorly spelled  'xdoo yoo luv him' videos made on windows media player with nasty sped up chipmunkish music for the backing. I don't understand why there is a correlation between spelling the word 'you' as 'yoo' (or any variation of 'yooh', YoOh, YoO, etc) and extreme bouts of unrequited love but they seem to always go hand in hand. Thank god Jennifer Aniston doesn't do written interviews. 

I really don't understand why some people think they are so entitled to everything and I really don't understand why some people feel acting rude and ignorant will make others respect or like them. It's just ridiculous.

And not that I'm any different!, I can be rude and I'm not that intelligent or good at anything except for Tetris and IQ tests but, I don't know. Sometimes I really feel some people are just being intentionally ignorant, they don't want to learn or look any further for different perspectives and are just content with what they believe. I don't understand that. Don't all  humans inherently want to further themselves and learn and discover more? Maybe they are actually robots, although even robots I suppose want to learn more. At least those cutsey japanese HALLO MY NAME IS PEEKO robots that are all about learning and having huge eyes and pink light up glowing hearts are, I don't know about other robots. Illegal robots. Rusting unused robots in sheds or warehouses hiding in shadows and fuming with hatred. Or those robots that tried to eat Will Smith. They were also evil. I suspect all ignorant people are actually just involved in a huge master plot to eat Will Smith. Next time I am around one (although I do not usually like to surround myself with closed minded or incredibly ignorant people) I shall make vague Will Smith references and see how they respond. 

Also, SO AMAZING LIVE. 

I wanted to post this version but embedding disabled by request blah blah etc, 

ONCE YOU START YOU CAN'T STOP

MY BFFFFFFFL, MOON EYES CAT SO SHINY

CIERVO ALBINO/BLANCO/J&M CHAIN

an albino deer - ciervo albino

I really really like Jesus and Mary Chain.. when I first heard the name I thought 'creepy christian honeydew bible camp music, some old man will be sitting on a stump in carpi khakis playing the banjo to his eighteen children who are making daisy chains who will then simultaneously all harmonize together like the von trapp family singers' but I was wrong and I am glad I was wrong. Not that the latter wouldn't have been an exciting prospect.. 

This isn't a very interesting blog post. I made another blog because I decided I hated this one and I didn't post in this for ages, as is apparent by post dates but then I really couldn't be bothered and was overcome with nostalgic vibes for this. I really need to learn how to use the oxford comma or learn how to make my sentences make sense. I wouldn't say I'd be one to know good music over any other type of music unless I was having one of those LOOK AT ME, I AM SO GREAT, I RULE THE WORLD days or someone just had said something really idiotic like 'The Foo Fighters are my favorite band' or 'Chad Kroeger is my inspiration and I want him to be my babydaddy' or 'I look to Stephanie Meyer as the pinnacle of excellent writing' or 'Hey man, you should really buy some crocs, they're so comfortable' or 'Do u think I could b a modll?, RATE ME!!!!!111 1-10!' or 'Fritzo Jonas is more talented than John Lennon and Paul McCartney combined.' and unless they were being sarcastic I would probably secretly smirk in my head and feel musically superior, even though really some of those weren't anything about music.. whatever. 

For some age groups, you can predict what a persons musical taste is usually semi-accurately by the clothing they wear or way they speak but I guess that's no big news either, I suspect it's always been that way. People seem to think they must dress visibly in the style of the music they like to listen to. Is this some sort of primitive call for others like them to seek out this visual beacon and join them in, clusters and groups in combined yet incredibly lonely existences? Or maybe just exposure and association, etc, etc. I have forgotten my original point. Oh yes! I would smirk. But other than if the person in question had said anything mentioned above (or any other in my opinion smirk worthy remark) I wouldn't really be one to think I have superior musical tastes to others. I really do conform a lot though with disliking music I suppose.. I've heard a lot of people dislike Nickleback too, but then again they just are genuinely awful, and some bands like Camera Obscura which are just shitty people seem to like so maybe not.. I don't know. This is an awfully confusing post, I would edit it but I really don't care that much about what is posted here and I doubt anyone has read this far. If you have, I commend you and will think loving thoughts of you night and day until I cannot love you any more and I implode. I promise. 

Also, when I say Fritzo Jonas I am referring to that one with the curly hair. Oh wait.. 

to sum up what I was trying to say about the grafitti wall,

I love you hipster mummymonk.

not even kidding.

anna says I have to credit her because she actually met this monk, apparently he kills all good knock knock jokes with his deathly silence. I wasn't aware there were good knock knock jokes. 

I'm a hideous lazy blogger. Don't deny it.

And by the way, I don't care how much I have previously declared love for you - if I ever see you wearing a furry vest consider yourself disowned. If Karl Lagerfeld cannot make a fur vest look wearable brilliant neither can you. You are not Karl. You never will be. Although to be honest I hate it when my English teacher yells at me for making new words up. Protokeatic should be a word, thankyouvery much. When I point out that Shakespeare invented new words all the time she always gives me the 'You are not Shakespeare' line and it annoys me very much so. Anyone could be freaking Shakespeare given the chance and space to grow but apparently NCEA NZQA shit don't allow for creative freedom over the dictionary and english alphabet. From now on, protokeatic is a word. Use it freely as you will in whatever context you can imagine and don't credit me because crediting pisses me off. 

I can't remember the point of that random speel but I think oh, yeah, I hate it when people say things like that - the only exception being when I tell people they are not Karl. They never will be. Also the abundance of fat girls with platinum hair  and bright clothes trying to be Agyness Deyn, They are not Agyness Deyn and anyone is free to tell them this or yell this to them out of car windows. Example: 

Also, down below, I actually wish this right here had been me, sadly I do not live in Toronto. I'm pretty sure though that this piece of graffiti will soon become the new ian curtis wall, not that Toronto has an ian wall but still, if they did, it would. It's awesome. 

credit because people yowl like nightcats  if you don't give it and I am usually a nice person to alphabetsoupstudio for the picture. However not really because they didn't make the wall awesome, they just took a photograph on it and now are getting all the love and praise. Wtf is up with that shit.

Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot?

inspired; http://annaintheelements.blogspot.com

1. Smart design.

And I don't mean fridges that beep when you touch them while simultaneously saving 6 rare pink fairy armadillos with smart energy, or insert apple product here.

2. Music.

Music can make everyone happy. Candyland, by CocoRosie helps me to dream and A Minor Incident, by Badly Drawn Boy is like a really good meatloaf and a cup of milk.

4. Spending Money

Why? The blood rush, the thrill of a new thing, the building up of self worth based on posessions and cost. I would spend money on these Marlène cloth suitcases in a second.

4. Sarcasm.

Although none of this has been. Maybe the meatloaf bit, i've never had a really good meatloaf.

11:11

I was born at the time of 11:11 on October the Eighth. I think this explains my awesome and secret powers, and also my facination with this wonderous number.

I'm so glad to find people who are also experiencing this strange occurence. For as long as I can remember 11:11 has been coming into my life twice a day. And it's always happening at the same time each day, slightly after 11:10 and just before 11:12. I can sit there for hours sometimes, staring at my clock, and then mystically, magically, spiritually, there it is, 11:11 appears to me, and barely 60 seconds of this bizarre episode pass by and, without any reasoning, just as unexplainable as the rising of the sun or the appearance of the moon, it just disappears. This must mean something. I've been keeping a log of the events for the past eleven years and eleven months and after carefully running the results through my PC I have found that 11:11 is appearing once every twelve hours. And it is happening twice a day. Every damn day, just like clockwork, since my records began.

I started my research by multiplying the number of occurences in each day by the number of days in the year and my result, my mystic number, generated as 728. I then spent eleven days trying to manipulate this number into revelealing the date God will either appear to humnan kind of destroy the Earth or we'll all become spiritually aware of something, but then I realised I got my sums wrong and the actual number should have been 730. Even with with this new number, I was still shooting mathematical blanks, until eleven hours of research and discussion with like minded people on internet chat rooms revealed a new avenue for me to explore... leap years. I'd become so obsessed with the number 11 I'd totally overlooked the occurence of leap years. With this new information, plus an increase in my medication, everything fell into place. 11:11 was happening 732 times in a leap year. This was the hypothetical trigger to my mathematical smoking gun. 7 + 3 + 2 = 12. My number was 12. 12 months in a year. I typed the number 12 into my PC, I also broke the number into the two key digits, 1 and 2, and ran some formulas with startling results. My base figure of 12 minus the 1 came out as, believe it or not, yes, 11.

I then multiplied it by the remaining 2 but this came to nothing, but then I realised, it meant two 11s, let me show, you, 11 11. That's right, this was no coincidence, scientific data actually proved the reason behind 11:11. This was it, I'd found the secret. Plus, February has 28 days, which means the 11:11 event happens 56 times, and 5 + 6 becomes, wait for it, 11! Apart from the leap year, which really makes no sense what-so-ever! Wow! So I think from that it's pretty obvious some major event is going to happen at 11:11 during the next leap year in the month of February, probably on the 11th day. Either that or it will be the 11th day of the 11th month, they're both good guesses.

Stay true believers.