Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays everyone!

If like me and you spent the day in the lovely surreal world of three-day salt water marinated turkey, vintage lace dresses and pseudo military band jackets, holiday cakes and singstar ABBA I can be certain you had a jolly time! Especially if for you Christmas is actually tomorrow and you are in New York with 13°C weather and shopping lights and naked teen acting sensation! Yes Anna, reference to you. Can't wait to see those holiday pictures!

Also, singstar wise, why isn't there a Singstar Beatles? I would purchase it for sure. In 1984 Michael Jackson bought the rights to the beatles music, and it's rumoured that Sony now owns 50% because of other legal stuff blah blah, well, on Singstar Volume 3 Michael Jackson is finally featuring, so perhaps this could mean selling out/please please michael and sony I would love a Singstar! Beatles. Maybe not even a singstar beatles, but some sort of karaoke device in which I can sing beatles songs. If ABBA can do it, so can the Beatles.

She loves you ya ya ya!

MACARON

How To Be Happy

Recently I found myself googling the words 'How to Be Happy'. I'm not sure if I found what I was looking for or not. Most of the results I found involved things that were boring, for example 'focusing on my true objective' and 'becoming enlightened'.

I'm sure those things make the bullshit spouting Internet therapist selling them very happy when he receives his paycheck, but a long tedious process of giving up all earthly possessions (and giving them to Dr Ripoffartist/Insert charity here) yoga and a gluten free diet usually isn't what a person is looking for when they google 'How to be Happy'.

The sort of people who google this phrase are usually looking for a way out of some sort of zombified day to day nothingness feeling state they are living in or looking for a temporary fix out of some greater misery. This list is for them, the people who do not want yoga. If we were all truthful to ourselves, nobody wants yoga. Not even yoga teachers, who make a living off yoga. Not even great yoga masters. Nobody wants yoga.

Megan's List of How to be Happy without Yoga.

1. Watch this video http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap080722.html This made me remember the real, I'm not sure how to describe it - the fact that humans are just animals. I burst into tears from happiness. Also AUCKLAND REP REP. Not that I am from Auckland, but it was good that New Zealand was included. Trust me, It's a happy video.

2. Repeat the phrase 'Nobody wants yoga' loudly and quickly.

3. Watch that video of the korean baby singing Hey Jude. Sing along.

4. Gather a lot of people and have a gang dance fight like in West Side Story where they are fighting but actually they are dancing.

5. Krump in inappropriate places.

6. Hang out with some little children that laugh a lot and are happy. Or hang out with happy people.

7. Scoff at stupid songs with stupid lyrics. "Are we human, or are we dancer" wtf man. Why would I not be a human? Secondly, why would I be a dancer? I can't dance. The only people who answer 'dancer' for that question are hideous-clothes-wearing-girls-who-type-like'yoor miine ;]'-lame-stupid-etc people. They should die. Painfully.

8. Look at pictures of people you know that they have placed as their bebo/facebook/whatever book profile picture where they are trying to look sexy or attractive. Scoff loudly.

9. Become friends with someone who thinks for themselves. They are the best kind of people.

10. Watch a friend try and eat a tree.

Christchurch Idol, Karaoke Review

One of the things I love is karaoke, so a couple of nights? weeks? ago I went with my friends to Christchurch Idol, a karaoke place in town. HERE IS MY SERIOUS AND NON WITTY LIST REVIEW.

Good Points:
It's karaoke.
The rooms are good sized and private
They have a good bar
Despite the Chinese and Korean songs, there still is a pretty decent English selection.
Instead of showing a music video of the song, they show random pictures of unsuspecting Chinese bathers, crustaceans and the autumn.
It has some dance lighting.
The interiors are lovely.

Bad Points:
The mics aren't that great.
Most(?) of the songs are in chinese or korean.
Despite the largeish room, there is not alot of dance space.
The backing track sounds like a bad MIDI. A BAD midi.
The rating for your performance is highly dubious. A pathetic 67 for Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? I am so sure I would have scored higher on a program like Singstar.
Plus on Singstar you can track your progress.

Overall, it's a decent place if you are going for laughs with friends, but for serious karaokers-like yours truly, I say the slightly primative Singstar is the one for you! It's relativley cheap but also awesome.

Awesome.

Huh

According to my tarrot reading November was going to suck. So far, November has beaten October by far - although it has been a very very weird month.
Hmhmhm. Maybe i'm developing amazing psycic powers or magical strawberry christmas ribbons.
Wheeeeeeee

I don't care

what you think.. Home and Away and Shortland street are, to be perfectly frank, horrible shows. It saddens me that a position working as a nurse or doctor or abused druggie secret mafia angel princess abused lover bomb maker on Shortland Street is pretty much the top job for New Zealand actors at the moment. If you are currently an actor in New Zealand, I beg you, fly far, far away or at least come to christchurch to meet Anna and I who will debate with you the merits of turtle wax.

Actually, just fly away, far, far away.

I'm writing this after my first professionally amateur film experience. Being filmed on stage is an entirely different thing to waiting in line for hours in 50's apparel to be sprayed with blood and dirt as a 40 foot mutant zombie huhu grub attacks.

That's right everyone! I was an extra in the action epic, Huhu Attack!
I was also lucky enough to be near the spray of blood and dirt, and I had a very nice vintage cardigan (which was probably ruined by the end of the day from red food coloring mixed with coffee, the best blood) it was pretty awesome anyway, and I had several friends to wait around with. Christchurch acting drama nerd crew ftw!

Despite being such a small city, Christchurch does have some acting talent. Actually I won't name any names in case they google themselves and yield the name of this blog and figure out who I am, but one or two of the Court Jesters is/are pretty amazing awesome and although she probably finds her job awesomley fun I feel like she/they deserve better pay or, I don't know, more opportunities. Fame isn't necessary, but being in a big budget production would be pretty awesome. Holy snack rats, imagine being in a huge broadway show. Awesome.

dear ms bartley

Dear Ms Luella Barltey
I love you. I loved you in spring of last year and I loved you in spring of this year, but all that love was secret. Now I beleive I must congratulate you on your sucess as 'Designer of the Year' in good old Britian, and share my true feelings. Basically, I wish to marry you. Please RSVP soon.

Lots of Love, Megan.

what did I do today?

Shamu Tank Update:

Theres a strange looking white object at the bottom of the tank. Could be a rogue air bubble, could be a rogue jellyfish. Could be a false alarm.

mario

American Vogue from October (which I finally have due to slow delivery) is fantastic!

I love Natalia Vodianova in this, completley Midsummer Nights Dream 'come to my bower' with the first photos I have posted. The converse are a little Sophia Coppola but I think I like it. Mario Testino has proved once again he is god.

What have you been doing?

That's not actually the question. The question is WHAT SHOULD HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!

If you answered watching live animal cams, you are correct!

Obviously, the Shiba Inu Live Stream puppy cam is superior, but the wee spaniels at willow spring are a must watch too. Also the wee harbor puppies are so small and sweet, plus they squeak in that cute puppy way alot. To be honest, the Japanese tortoises are pretty uneventful but that didn't stop me from watching them for half an hour. Finally, he moved.

The brookyln bunny cam is not so eventful, but they have lovely lettuce or apple room spray perfume! I think I might have to pick myself up some of that!

Then again, if your name is Rebecca Jean Skjellerup you should check out the live bird feeding cam. It takes a while to load but oh my god. Amazing. I also took the time to view some of the zoo cams for more exotic animals. Here's some highlights if you have a life, unlike me and were not watching all day. The panda slept and rolled over for a while and then woke up and went away.

Shamu cam was pretty active. There were two(?) whales that kept swimming around and bumping the camera, which was awesome man. Sadly, it kept freezing so I could only watch it for a while and then refresh.

Here are the links, I've bolded the best ones. Seriously, you have to check out that puppy cam.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shiba-inu-puppy-cam

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/willow-spring-kennels-puppy-watch

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/havanese-harbor-puppies

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/japanese-tortoises

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/bird-feeding-live-with-user-controlled-camera

http://www.sandiegozoo.org/pandacam/index.html

http://seaworld.com/sitepage.aspx?PageID=375

http://www.bklynbunny.com/home.html

I'm in love!

Karl Lagerfeld.

Please, please marry me.

I promise I will be a good wife. I will wear nothing but Chanel couture and cook you french cuisine and wait on you like a god.

For those associate Karl Lagerfeld with travesties like these;

Please stop doing so. You are incredibly mistaken. Those above items kill babies. If you own one, you are not only a baby killer but guilty of at least 7 of the 8 sucky things I am about to list.

1. Beastility.
2. Owning at least 3 items from the 'Bad Kitty' Supre range
3. Being an ugly fat whore.
4. Having absolutely no taste.
5. Being entirely made of plastic, poor quality plastic infested with melamine.
6. Having no soul.
7. And in replace of a soul having a fake Juicy Couture tracksuit
8. With 'Juicy' or 'Sexy' or 'Hot Sexy Juicy Babe Bum' on the ass.

Karl Lagerfeld is god. Karl Lagerfeld is the reason, well, partly, somewhat, and I exaggerate here immensely to seem more loving, decent couture is still around today. Karl Lagerfeld is responsible for my happiness and most of all, the jeweled beehive. When I grow up I intend to spend my inheritance stalking him and lavishing him with my praise.

huh?

has anyone else been seeing this image engraved all over christchurch, or is it just me?

okay, so I haven't taken a photo but above is a drawing representation. Check out my skills.

Is it some sort of gang symbol or a revolution or grafitti artists at work? Huh.

Suburban Warfare.

Yesterday I went to the show. Hence, the following photo of me cuddling with my new beau.

Actually, it's not me cuddling with him. It's his ex. She wouldn't let me hug him because she didn't know my mega experience with mini lops. I had one when I was five. I named him Ludwig, after Ludwig van Beethoven. Sweet huh?

Okay, so basically when we got back our neighbours were playing - (I do not jest) - Rascall Flats and Billy Joe Cyrus whatever Roy Hick Thingajoe. Basically I think they had borrowed Sarah Palin's ipod and just plugged it in. And played it. Loudly. I had to retaliate.
.. and what better way to do it than with..

WATERLOO. I WAS DEFEATED YOU WON THE WAR WATERLOO PROMISE TO LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE
I was so passionate about this warfare that I almost even whipped out my BJORN AGAIN shirt and incredible boots that you should ask bex about because they are freaking epic.Sensing the battle was lost, they turned the music down but *we continued to have an abba dance party mix battle karaoke sing along ALL NIGHT LONG. Until the other neighbours complained.

HOT

*okay, so it was just me. Nobody else was cool enough to join

This morning I woke up at 6.00.

I know.

What kind of person wakes up at 6.00? Voluntarily at 6.00?

After fearing for my health and yawning compulsively, I turned on my computer to check my emails and get an early start for the day. Whoohoo. Anyway, so I eventually ended up on the san diego zoo online store, and I was thoroughly disgusted to see the following:

What the hell is that supposed to be, a polar bear? I assume so, as it was under the polar bear section, yet this synthetically furry creature looks nothing like a polar bear. It's even cream. With a brown nose. Come on guys, you can do so much better than this! When I go to a zoo to purchase a stuffed animal I expect it to; a) be some sort of special zoo edition, not some lame beanie baby colored in cream and fur and- b) be a somewhat accurate replica of the animal I intend to spend watching and photographing for the next four hours.

This, my friends, is NOT an accurate replica of a polar bear. If it wasn't white, oh wait, I mean CREAM it wouldn't even be in the polar bear section.

NOW THIS IS AN ACCURATE REPLICA OF A POLAR BEAR 

It even has a suitcase, like the real ones will be forced to have once they decide to leave san diego zoo after seeing the hideous representation of themselves in the gift shop. Seriously though, how lifelike it this? I mean, spot the difference?!

By the way, the above photo also illustrates how passionate animal/climate change activists are. I'm pretty sure he made that head out of paper mache'. That shit takes hours, now that's love people, that's love.

Flesh Orgy.

Items of note: Billy Ray Cyrus whipping his disney daughter, clone other ones in PCD (because nobody knows any of them apart from the lead one and the ginga one), lil wayne getting ready to smackdown on jefree star.

Click to enlarge.

Thankyou for your time.

blah

I really like yawning, how lovely is it that when people yawn other people yawn out of empathy, its like a documentary I watched about apes in the deep jungle and someone filmed them and when one yawned they all yawned to show empathy, how nice of them!

At the court we are taught that mirroring a persons body language makes them feel more comfortable, and therefore they are more likely to divulge information and act friendlier. It's magical that there are more languages than just speaking, inflection, pace, accent, expression posture everything! imagine if some wrote you a sonnet that was like butterflies on paper and soft petals and drunk slurring or some romantic shit like that and recited it to you. It was meant to be nice see, but it would sound stupid. It's like a translation of something in google translator, the words are all jumplpey and it always mentions urns instead of turtles and you can rarely get the vague idea because it wasn't meant to ever be in that language, and you lazy fools just wanted a quick shortcut of communication. Well, that writing probably wasn't meant to be spoken.

Feelings and words are different languages and they just don't fit together well. Also I find it impossibly hard to communicate my ideas within the restraints of the english language, whats worse is when people then criticize you for making up new words, or new meanings for words that mean something else ie; dishwasher liquid or yell at you for having impossibly long sentences. I happen to have a romance with the comma and don’t intend on moving on in the near future, thankyouverymuch.Also, they always tell you 'you aren't Shakespeare'. Shit. Really? thanks a lot. I was really going through an identity crisis Here.
Thanks. Lifesaver.

Love and kisses, Will.

Top 10 Bands/Musical Artists That Should Be Hit By Tsunamis

1. Nickleback

For being crap in general, and being incredibly crazy rich despite the 'music' they produce.

2. Hinder.

Remember that lips of an angel song? Yeah. Not only was it about cheating on your girlfriend, and how it was okay because she had like 'lips of an angel' but also they sound just like Nickleback. I'm pretty sure it's the same guys just making a new band to make more money.

3. Jefree Star

Nothing but a big ball of scene and ego. Actually, he should be number one. I have nothing against homosexuality, nor pink hair but not only is this guy gender confused, he's also genre confused. Wtf is this shit supposed to go under anyway? It sounds like pedophile big headed rap with a mix of techno thrown in. I don't even understand where he got the idea he could sing, probably a result of that pink hair dye and hairspray killing all his braincells, rendering him useless to logical thought process. That would also explain these following lyrics.

"Asian tourists scream when I walk down the street-They worship me like Jesus, praying at my feet"

"Diamond fingernails and 8 inch heels-Niggaz on death row request me for their last meals"

4. Panic! At the Disco

I don't care if they have improved. They will never be forgiven for a) having been the definition of emo, b) having annoyingly long song names, c) I write sins, not tragedies. Nuff Said.

5. Hollywood Undead

Honestly, would anyone miss them? with names like 'Charlie Scene' and 'Johnny 3 Tears' it would almost be a crime against humanity to keep them off this list.

6. PCD

I kept them until number 6 because they amuse me with lyrics such as 'I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons baybay' 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me' and my all time fav, "When I grow up, I wanna have boobies" They have slutted up the face of girlpower and send contradicting messages to their pre-teen fans. "I don't need a man' - followed by whatever slutty single they sent out after that.

7. Billy-Ray Cyrus

I'm offering a dolla mixture reward for his freshly decapitated corpse.

8. Miley Cyrus

Because nobody but the Jonas Brothers would miss her, and because if you have fans in diapers and you are 15 years old you shouldn't take soft porn myspace whore pictures and have them 'leaked' or 'hacked out of your iphone' every 20 minutes. I'm not going on a Cyrus hate wagon here, but seriously, listen to 7 Things I hate about you (Which btw rips of one of my all time best ever movie choices! D:) and you'll know what I mean.

9. The Jonas Brothers

So nobody would miss Miley Cyrus. Also, imagine the hoards of girls screaming and crying.

10. Lil Wayne

Amazing. Somehow this guy managed to bypass evolution. Chimp or man?

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Air Supply - Even heavily overweight 40+ women who are desperate for love bypass Air Supply ballads. It's true.

Heidi Montag - Yes. She sings.

Aiden - Duh.

Kiss - for covering up the fact that they suck with xtrm amounts of makeup.

fashyun victims

today I saw a girl in kate moss strappy roman sandals, skinny jeans and a rave dave t shirt with bug eyed glasses and straightened to the death hair, straightened so much that it was literally frizzing from the hair melting and burning.

my heard died a little inside.

then again, ugg boots are pretty bad too.
whattadya think the ug stands for? ug-tractive?

Best. Movie. Ever.

What am I watching? Ghost house? Hell no. Guess again.

LIFE SIZE

Not only does this movie star Lindsay Lohan AND Tyra Banks it also features shopping with some of the most amazing and 80's-90's-full outfits I have ever seen. The poofy dress with macrame butterflies? AY MAY ZING.

Despite a 5.3 rating on IMDB.com, honestly, I give this film a perfect 10, at the very least, 9.5. Basically, it's about a Casey, who loses her mom and tries interesting voodoo magic stuff to bring her back when she accidentally brings back her Eve doll, which is pretty much like a black barbie who can handle ANYTHING. Well, so she says. Basically Eve sings alot and brings joy and love when she finds out her dolls are failing in sales so she wants to go back to Sunnyvale. This movie has everything. Including a Razzle Dazzle Raincoat.

Which brings me to my next topic, the importance of a good raincoat. Imagine if you were out in the rain with a regular coat, it just wouldn't work. It would soak and be nasty and you would get wet and cold. One should always carry a good raincoat, or if you don't carry a good raincoat you should carry an umbrella. In a happy color.

YES

NO

good stuff

mm gotta have some more of these CHOCOLATE ECLAIRS

THIS IS BLOODY HUGE!

;D

no, not in that sense, in the sense that MY BLOG HAS A FOLLOWER!!!
You too should follow! one day many will!

OH WAIT
its someone (ZACH?) from Bang Bang Eche who probably thinks we are stalkers
WELL WE ARE, no, we aren't. We are just good people.
But the fact that you located this blog while in NY is fantastic. I feel famous.
Whilst I/we find it incredibly funny that you googled yourselves, I do it often so all is redeemed.

Answers to questions below:

Who are you people: Man, I don't know. Seriously. It's freaking me out here. Actually, I do know, we are two-- well, one typing this at the moment female humans from Christchurch, New Zealand. We like 2 dolla rice and limited edition sneakers and watching old lindsay lohan movies, ie; LIFE SIZE! WITH TYRA BANKS!

Are our names real? I am not sure. Are yours?

im not stupid

im not stupid, please dont think I am.

also im not rich or happy or pretty or good or funny or sane but I dont think im stupid and that is what I want not to be.

mind

imagine a wall of televisions turned up on high color, high volume so its cdeafening and your ears are ringing and your eyes burn lobster because of the colors so that when you close your eyes you can see spots of light and imagine thai dancers who you aren't sure if they are actually people or if they are thai or vietnamese and the world spins and you are surrounded by hummingbirds that are actually needles and people are actually clouds and theres a beating heart noise like when you get swallowed by silence and its like being deep underwater and you can hear a heart and see all the colors and youre spinning round and around and bombs filled with retina are exploding with colors and you feel like youre high or made of little bits of sellotape and thats why you start shaking and psychadellic noise is making you confused in the background and to the left its all one color and you don't know if you should go there because it might be confusingly simple and you let yourself be swallowed by music you cant really hear and then you are gone.

Dear Bang!Bang! Eche

Dear B!B!E!

We stalk you. Wait, that doesn’t sound friendly. We don't really stalk you, but we have been to 87% of your Christchurch shows. We can’t afford it when you go to fancy places, not to say that Christchurch isn’t fancy. You probably have met us; because of our tendency to come 1-2 hours early to each gig and generally act strangely once we get there. Plus, we were at your first gig. Or, what we like to think was your first gig. That’s love. Also, we know the original words to Nikee and sing them along whenever you play it because they are kind of superior whatever anyone else says. Well! Enough with the flattery, if you considered that flattery, we hear that you will be playing in New York at CMJ08, and there are a number of bands on the list performing that we would love to stalk but lack opportunity to do so! (we promise to still stalk you firstly in our hearts though).
We propose we GO WITH YOU!?!?!?!

Okay, first of all it’s NEW YORK and we know our way around, plus we know our way to a secret sneaker store which is pretty much awesome. Also, we can get you free accommodation. We know people. Also, T'Nealle is somewhat small sized so she WILL get mugged. We can prevent this. We will also shout you kebabs or something when there, and pay for our own air fares and fees and some of yours if we feel like it. We probably wont, but we might. Also, we can cook. Well, Anna can, she makes mean banana chocolate chip muffins which are actually amazing, not gross ones like you might think they sound like. If you do not like banana, she can also make mince. Good mince. Also, we have cameras. Two cameras, $500 nice cameras so we could be your photographers/chef/bodyguard/entertainment ;D. Kidding about the entertainment. But if you get bored we can try and tap dance and probably fall over which would be fun to watch, none of us have much tap dance experience.

Also, Megan knows how to hail a cab. And we own watches so we can make sure you are on time or carry you some juice if you decide you need juice, and juice with pulp is really expensive in american so WE CAN BUY IT FOR YOU!!. Also, as we are from Christchurch we will be a lovely taste of home. We will wear swandrai and those obnoxious katmandhu puffer jackets with crusaders jerseys so you do not miss home. We will even source and purchase Vogels at your request. Also, we can promote you. Ever hear of Charles Greyhatski?
Didn’t think so. You see, he didn’t have us promoting for him, now nobody knows he exists. Not even his mother. Seriously, try googling him, you’ll get nothing.

Think about it.
Yours truly,
Anna Lucia and Megan Eloise.

Secret Societies, the worlds elite?

Secret Societies. You know em, you love em, and you totally want to be in one.
Everyone gets a buzz from being elitist, and separating all the mean and fascist people in the world from the intelligent and morally sound and motivated. If any secret society president is reading this right now, kidnap me! I'd be an awesome pledge, and all of the following secret societies sound mega x core cool.

1. Skulls and Bones
Basically, these guys are all go to Yale and were founded in 1832, both bush presidents have been members, and according to popular myth the CIA was built upon members of this group, cool huh? The CIA has released a statement that this is NOT true but wouldn't it be awesome if it was? I love exciting things. I don't think women can join though; perhaps some disguise is needed if I am to be a pledge.

2. Excellensaltus
The Excellensaltus are the most mysterious of the secret societies! Nobody really knows anything about them but they know that they exist, and that they operate primarily in Ankor, Cambodia. Excellensaltus have been at the center of many conspiracies, but too little information is known to be fact to report!

3. Freemasons
Apparently Freemasons are cool too, but my uncle totally is one so I’m not sure they’re evil and such. Also, I know this old guy that is a freemason too. FREEMASONS IN THE FAMILY YO. So if they control the world, I want better birthday presents this year. Stop being a stinge, Uncle Ross, I'll take Greenland.

Ivory

I inherited some ivory beads yesturday, and an ivory statuette of three monkeys, really cute stuff but is it ethically right for me to wear them? not the monkey statue obviously, but the beads. Frankly, from my opinion they are very cute and interesting looking, and (don't quote me on this) but wasn't the ivory trade once legal and when it was legal, I estimate that some of the ivory was harvested in a safe manner. Enclosed is a picture of what the beads look like! perhaps the heirloom 'einie' on trademe received was from the same store. Saweet.

Hey! just because elephants are cute dosen't ethically mean we should treat them better, the leather trade was pretty awful too onceaponatime. Come to think of it, if cows only have one kid or two per year how did they become so populous? Anyway, back on track, I don't think there will be harm in me wearing them. I am not in any means promoting the torture or killing of elephants or other tusked mammals, but rather promoting an intrest in historical trades and ethics and good bead craftmanship. If I could revive the elephant or it's tusk from the lace hanging around my neck currently, god knows I would - but as a matter of psycics, and general 'you totally can't do that' I can't do this.

However, DONT BUY ILLEGAL POACHING ITEMS. animals hurt when you do. That is all. I think my quota of promotion of animal rights issues is entirely filled for the day!