Does anyone actually go in for an appointment solely 'consult their doctor before embarking on this fitness program'? If anyone does this, you are a jerk, in the same way that people who buy blue glitter eye makeup or force their dog to become a vegetarian or overfish tuna or buy an owl city cd are jerks.
I went to my friends house the other day for a 'party'. They all got drunk and decided to whip out her ZUMBA! dvds. No, we are not all 50 years old. There is possibly nothing more entertaining in the present world than watching seven or eight 's0 w4st3d' people try and boogie to the 'infectiously hot latin beats'. I am aware I am using 'quotes' too much. If I were saying this in person I would probably be doing those air quote things with my hands alongside, as far as I'm concerned, those never became uncool, but anyway - ZUMBA! .. is scary. Not quite Leslie Van Houten, but scary enough. Nobody can dance as well, or as terrifyingly as the people in the videos in real life in front of the TV. It's like a magic world where people in cargo pants and hoop earrings are trapped in a room and commanded by an evil columbian man who forces them to 'push it harder'. They chant words that are not in the dictionary. They wear tops that barely qualify as this. Sometimes, they even carry weights, yet continue to smile creepily and dance on command, transfixed.
If you have read the above without warning bells ringing in your head, let me break it down for you some more: ZUMBA! is an evil cult. But seriously. You can tell it is evil from the cargo pants and the endorsment from an 'Award Winning Actress' whom I have not heard of- and what exactly was the award she won? It obviously wasn't an elite or famous one like an oscar or even I suppose an emmy otherwise they would have included that in with her title, meaning it has to be some other award. If you don't specify exactly what kind of award it could be anything. I mean, technically, I could go around saying I am an 'Award Winning Actress' and it would be true, and people with no brains would be in awe of me and my presumptious, slightly illustrious title. There would be no need to elaborate and admit the 'award' was from year 9 or 11 or whatever other year drama class. Her award is probably something along the lines of 'best improvisation on wednesday class, joes school of advanced acting'- and kudos to her! I am sure there was a lot of competition. Just people should not feel so instinctually awed by a title. It doesn't even specify that she won the award IN acting. As in - (I am previously) Award Winning (highly commended school science fair, and now working as an) Actress. My point (or one of them) is,If you have ever won an award in your life, RUN FREE. Claim a vaguely false-but-still-technically-true title and stick by it! Command respect and reap glory! Wow. I have wasted almost a paragraph on that. Anyway, CULTS. They have leaders or spokespeople. Who are false or lie-ish in some way.
TO SUM UP:
ACTRESS LADY = DODGY SOUNDING AWARD.
ZUMBA = CULT.
ME = AWARD WINNING ACTRESS.
OWL CITY = VOM
