Does anyone actually go in for an appointment solely 'consult their doctor before embarking on this fitness program'? If anyone does this, you are a jerk, in the same way that people who buy blue glitter eye makeup or force their dog to become a vegetarian or overfish tuna or buy an owl city cd are jerks.
I went to my friends house the other day for a 'party'. They all got drunk and decided to whip out her ZUMBA! dvds. No, we are not all 50 years old. There is possibly nothing more entertaining in the present world than watching seven or eight 's0 w4st3d' people try and boogie to the 'infectiously hot latin beats'. I am aware I am using 'quotes' too much. If I were saying this in person I would probably be doing those air quote things with my hands alongside, as far as I'm concerned, those never became uncool, but anyway - ZUMBA! .. is scary. Not quite Leslie Van Houten, but scary enough. Nobody can dance as well, or as terrifyingly as the people in the videos in real life in front of the TV. It's like a magic world where people in cargo pants and hoop earrings are trapped in a room and commanded by an evil columbian man who forces them to 'push it harder'. They chant words that are not in the dictionary. They wear tops that barely qualify as this. Sometimes, they even carry weights, yet continue to smile creepily and dance on command, transfixed.
If you have read the above without warning bells ringing in your head, let me break it down for you some more: ZUMBA! is an evil cult. But seriously. You can tell it is evil from the cargo pants and the endorsment from an 'Award Winning Actress' whom I have not heard of- and what exactly was the award she won? It obviously wasn't an elite or famous one like an oscar or even I suppose an emmy otherwise they would have included that in with her title, meaning it has to be some other award. If you don't specify exactly what kind of award it could be anything. I mean, technically, I could go around saying I am an 'Award Winning Actress' and it would be true, and people with no brains would be in awe of me and my presumptious, slightly illustrious title. There would be no need to elaborate and admit the 'award' was from year 9 or 11 or whatever other year drama class. Her award is probably something along the lines of 'best improvisation on wednesday class, joes school of advanced acting'- and kudos to her! I am sure there was a lot of competition. Just people should not feel so instinctually awed by a title. It doesn't even specify that she won the award IN acting. As in - (I am previously) Award Winning (highly commended school science fair, and now working as an) Actress. My point (or one of them) is,If you have ever won an award in your life, RUN FREE. Claim a vaguely false-but-still-technically-true title and stick by it! Command respect and reap glory! Wow. I have wasted almost a paragraph on that. Anyway, CULTS. They have leaders or spokespeople. Who are false or lie-ish in some way.
TO SUM UP:
ACTRESS LADY = DODGY SOUNDING AWARD.
ZUMBA = CULT.
ME = AWARD WINNING ACTRESS.
OWL CITY = VOM
22 comments:
You are soo funny!!! I bet you secretly love the zumba 'cult' and wish you had those sexy Zumbodies... If your mom never told you 'jealousy' is a sin.
hope to see you soon at a great lively zumba class :)
YOU ARE AMAZING HAHAHHA~
my husband does zumba and seriously is a cult!
Zumba is definitely feel like a cult. However, I find it to be a good one as I get people changing their lifestyle and living a life full of Love and happiness. I love your blog. Keep it up.
wtf if wrong with you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCGY3E-3bes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCGY3E-3bes
What the hell crazy moron!! Zumba is my life! I zumba every day and I the Zumba body to prove it! you just can't respect how AMAZING Zumba is! Zumba is awesome I zumba every day and I'm a millionaire! You just wish you could "cardio party" like me and spice up your body. I live for zumba don't disrespect it. ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA.
I don't think the evil colombian guy is the evil one. He is the result of years of effort and perseverance. However, I think that a person like you is the evil one, people that can not say anything positive about others even when you see is a successful workout that is taking the highest levels of popularity. The fact that you could not move with enough rhythm to do ZUMBA does not give you the right to trash somebody's work and career. The good thing is that you are christian right? are you sure that that is the cult that you are in? good luck to you and your bitter posts.
Lola, if you didn't already know...
I. Love. You.
keep it up hun, illegible outraged comments are proving you must be doing SOMETHING right. It takes a lot of emotion to even think about commenting on a blog and ha- honestly the things these nutjobs write amuse me evenmore than your hilarious post.
Zumba users, if you are not in a cult, why so readily jump to repeatedly insult a little girl? The internets, it makes it easy to be a bully, hmm? Go ahead, hide behind your anonymity -- or grow a pair and use your name. Over and out. ZUMBA!
P.S: Looollaaa you are hot and not a little girl :(
P.P.S come to NY asap or we are no longer friends. the last remaining unicorns are here.
you tongue in cheek insult someones excercize group and they insult your religion? wow.
god bless consumerist america.
It takes even more emotion (and not the good kind) to write a bitter blog about something that has done so much improvement in people's lives. And getting illegible responses does not necessarily imply you are doing something right. It could also mean you are just stirring up trouble perhaps because you have nothing more satisfying to do. And yes, you must be a little girl that your friends have to jump in and add more frustration this blog. You all should go play with the unicorns. :)
this was obviously not a post of serious slander and bitterness, I do not see how anyone could think such a thing. It's not serious. It's not written in a serious tone. She (I assume it is a she?) talked about owl city and tuna for fucks sake. It's only the internet. It's only one blog. ..that apparently means she is immature that her friends post on? Ridiculous. It is sweet I find, that they defend her. I don't know why I'm getting so worked up over defending someone I do not know and will never meet, but I disagree that this is a hate filled blog, rather one filled of humor.
thankyou to the author for making me laugh, please continue to blog :)
wow. I had no idea this many people would ever stumble across my blog, and also am astounded I have the power to offend people in such a way.
Thankyou everyone for having the time to comment, even if it was really semi unnecessary or you totally misinterpreted and randomly took offense, thankyou. It is lovely you bothered enough to comment, it is always lovely to receive them and I shall love you all in the way that one usually loves anonymous commenters. merry christmas. noel. feliz navidad.
LOL
this blog is some epic win and especially your comment. have a magic christmas yourself x
girls with blogs are hot
www.NeedGod.com
The actress is from Brazil. They have awards there too. Just saying...
I do Zumba too and have all the CDs and Toning sticks ;) but I still found your post funny. Only the last part of it was a bit too much... it went on and on and started getting less funnier as you were repeating arguments :) Other than that a funny sarcastic post.
Zumba IS a more a conspiracy than a cult. It is robbing men of their testosterone and turning them into 'girly men'.
Post a Comment