How To Be Happy

Recently I found myself googling the words 'How to Be Happy'. I'm not sure if I found what I was looking for or not. Most of the results I found involved things that were boring, for example 'focusing on my true objective' and 'becoming enlightened'.

I'm sure those things make the bullshit spouting Internet therapist selling them very happy when he receives his paycheck, but a long tedious process of giving up all earthly possessions (and giving them to Dr Ripoffartist/Insert charity here) yoga and a gluten free diet usually isn't what a person is looking for when they google 'How to be Happy'.

The sort of people who google this phrase are usually looking for a way out of some sort of zombified day to day nothingness feeling state they are living in or looking for a temporary fix out of some greater misery. This list is for them, the people who do not want yoga. If we were all truthful to ourselves, nobody wants yoga. Not even yoga teachers, who make a living off yoga. Not even great yoga masters. Nobody wants yoga.

Megan's List of How to be Happy without Yoga.

1. Watch this video http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap080722.html This made me remember the real, I'm not sure how to describe it - the fact that humans are just animals. I burst into tears from happiness. Also AUCKLAND REP REP. Not that I am from Auckland, but it was good that New Zealand was included. Trust me, It's a happy video.

2. Repeat the phrase 'Nobody wants yoga' loudly and quickly.

3. Watch that video of the korean baby singing Hey Jude. Sing along.

4. Gather a lot of people and have a gang dance fight like in West Side Story where they are fighting but actually they are dancing.

5. Krump in inappropriate places.

6. Hang out with some little children that laugh a lot and are happy. Or hang out with happy people.

7. Scoff at stupid songs with stupid lyrics. "Are we human, or are we dancer" wtf man. Why would I not be a human? Secondly, why would I be a dancer? I can't dance. The only people who answer 'dancer' for that question are hideous-clothes-wearing-girls-who-type-like'yoor miine ;]'-lame-stupid-etc people. They should die. Painfully.

8. Look at pictures of people you know that they have placed as their bebo/facebook/whatever book profile picture where they are trying to look sexy or attractive. Scoff loudly.

9. Become friends with someone who thinks for themselves. They are the best kind of people.

10. Watch a friend try and eat a tree.